Where am I? What is my goal? Where do I rather be right now? Where do I want to go? What does the path look like? Which step should I take first? Omg, there’s so many steps. What if I take a wrong step?

STOP

Before the waterfall of thoughts lets us drown and fightingly survive thought after thought, let’s take 5 seconds to breathe in and out. We started asking and answering ourselves all those questions and while we are already “deeply” confused about our options, we don’t even realise that we don’t locate ourselves first before planning a route. Where are we? Where am I?

Yeah in Berlin, of course?! What a stupid question Yeah in my late 20s, of course?! What a stupid question Yeah in this and that position at this company, of course?! In this and that health state. In this and that social construct. In this and that economical system. In this and that mental state.

Okay, you might get it. There’s a lot of angles to the simple question of where we are? If you want to locate an object in a room, first of all you need to separate the room of the object by definition, so the two of them can be located in relation to each other. What is the room and what is the object? If you are the object you try to locate, what is the room that you’re in? Your home? Your city? Your country? Planet Earth? The (expanding) universe? Not too easy, and quite a lot potentially. Your family? Your relationship? Your friends group? Your company? Setting a scope will help. This can be done in relation to the goal and always stay flexible. Still, we need to separate ourselves from the room? So who are we? Who am I? Oh dear… there’s waiting at least the same amount of dimensions within us as for the room.

A deeply complex object in a multi-dimensional room. Let’s accept the fact that once you have a clear position covering all dimensions, this is going to be very precise location. Let’s also accept the fact that it can be a hell of a work capturing all dimensions at the same time to locate once to kick it off. So what will help? Shut everything down. Shut all your dimensions down to 0. Don’t exceed into the negative, lift those areas first. Let the peaks come down and meet at neutral 0. From here, it will be easier to navigate now.

An important mechanism to not constantly lose orientation and create the need of coming back to your respawn is tracking your movement in all dimensions. Once you experienced going the same path several times, you will more and more orientate along it without putting in the same effort. You will be able to get to the same position blindfolded. Autopilot. Checkpoints. Reset. Respawn.

A familiar place helps effortlessly to orientate. Just as being at your best friends garden. Been there hundreds of times. Knowing every corner. Picturing the way to your home in perfect detail. A solid part of your journey.

What does it feel like being lost? One might think that being lost is a very clear state of disorientation. Being completely delusional about where we are, fully stuck and not able to move. Sometimes it can be harsh and clear like this. Quite easy to accept the lost state in that case. But sometimes, one may carry a filter of pride. One may carry a filter of fear. One may carry a filter of duty. One may carry a filter of hope. One may carry a filter of belief. There’s many more filter you may carry around. Each weight is individual, but certainly noticeable. Under the weight of all those filters packed in your subconsciousness, your perception of reality can barely see through clearly what’s going on. You’re lost without noticing it at first. The filters create an illusion of your position. They light things up. They edit shapes and sizes. They add or remove elements. You see many things. A lot of potential. Good potential. Bad potential. Good and bad - who’s judging though? You have a delusional perception of your own position and surrounding. Simultaneously you look outside and consider where to go. You assume a route. This is like drinking several bottles of alcohol and trying to walk in a straight line. It won’t work - no matter how good it feels. You will end up at a different position than what you’re aiming for. Now repeat this process day after day, week after week, month after month and this for years. You are somewhere, but certainly not where you wanted or planned to be. Every little deviation makes your next step even harder and more off the grid. Slowly you realise that your steps are so far off your expectations. Nothing comes together anymore. Your life seems to turn into a disaster. Everything starts falling down. Everything becomes so fragile. This is when you really feel like being lost. Everywhere you look, you can’t believe. Everything you touch, you can’t trust anymore. Doubt in every corner. The curtains of illusion begin to drop and reality behind gets revealed. You start walking back the long way of getting lost. You don’t stop walking back until you reach a point where you find yourself again. It is a point where you lost a fragment of yourself. Pick up the breadcrumbs you left behind. Pick up the parts of your soul that you dropped. Watch out though! Shame and guilt are still with you, trying to make you feel bad about picking up yourself again. But you can be proud of yourself. [paragraph about feeling lost] - giving a reference of what it feels like wanting to orientate while feeling lost. Signs of feeling lost - without sharing a victim role of my own identity - pointing out what it can feel like, and what it felt like to me.

What makes it difficult to escape the loop of being stuck in being lost? The shame of the downfall; the shame of not succeeding; the shame of not knowing it better; the shame of failure; the voices around you and/or in your mind telling you why you should keep on trying harder; why you shouldn’t look back; the shame of realisation; the guilt of the past; the guilt of every step you took; the weight of responsibility waiting there for you; the judgement and consequently the punishment waiting to destroy your last glimpse of hope to make it out of this misery - while taking step after step to reach the summit of the huge pile of shit you’ve been climbing up. It’s not easy to stay calm and regain focus when you’re in the middle of a race to become the king of shit. Everyone around you is fighting through the mud and hates it deeply inside - shouting motivational phrases towards you so you don’t drop out of the race, which is the true prize waiting for you in the end. People can’t stand observing others dropping out of the race as they would love to do the same but they simply can’t bring up the courage and strength to disconnect from the uniting pile of shit. They’re dedicated to it. They promised it early in their lives so they don’t lose the love of their origin, their parents, their friends, their surrounding. Shame and guilt - one of the loudest and most manipulative voices in a human mind. The good thing, you can liberate from those voices once you reveal their true face (a small hint: it’s not yours). Why would you take on this tricky task of deconstructing those voices? Well, a huge potential for freedom, love and peace is waiting there for you. If this is what you’re seeking in life, I can recommend discovering those dark spots in your soul, being part of your subconscious mind. Another recommendation is to let fun arise within this process. The spots to explore remain dark, the process starts to get light. It will be easier for you if the process of uncovering shame and guilt doesn’t get re-disrupted by the same voices again. First it can feel like a fight against yourself. It can become a game though. Instead of fighting yourself, you start playing with it. Instead of fighting your mind and subconsciousness, you start playing with it. In both cases you re-form yourself. In one case you do it violently and forced. In the other case you do it naturally and light, no pressure, just childlike playing. Two good friends on the playground having a great time exchanging perspectives. Have fun!

Orientation inside of yours → taste. Connect and disconnect with the external world. Take away valuable information to you. Adjust your compass. Edit your values. Tweak your alignment. Your freedom. Building a taste can serve you in a guiding manner. It is the foundation of intuition. Trust is what you call the connection between taste, intuition and action. Taste can also be a tool for conscious intuition building/adjusting.

Feeling lost. No orientation. No hold. No grip. Falling. Hitting the ground harder than ever. The deepest paw prints we ever created. After all the suffering and pain - where are the promised tail wags? Once disconnected from all those external narratives flying high above the clouds and connected to our base, our ground, the fine line between inside and outside, like a black hole separating two universal dimensions - inward and outward.. and the fine line in between. A fine line and a powerful portal at the same time. Once you accept embodying this fragment of the universe - you start having a position of control. You decide which direction you channel the energy of life. In or out. But at least you know your position. You are not the inward. You are not the outward. You are in- and outward. And in between. First you separate just to realise that you unite everything in the end. Disconnect and connect. Gain clarity about connections instead of drowning under the weight of uncertainty. Build connections consciously instead of generally accepting and carrying ancient connections in existence by principle.

Welcome to the game of life. Your life. You’re slowly leaving the tutorial and start playing the game. Luckily you know how to reset once you feel lost. Reset, respawn, recenter, realign, re-whatever.

The digging trip into the dark was lighting up and insightful - now I decide to return, reset, respawn between in- and outward. I did already. With this action I let the upcoming light from inside pulsate to external dimensions. A huge pile of realisations started blocking the way of digging, carrying around this huge bag of gold, time to drop it off and dive in for another digging excursion relieved from the weight of wisdom. It is at the surface. Take what you need, I no longer need this layer of myself. Let yourself go and don’t stop until we reached the end of the journey.